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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29396025">Remembering You, Yeonjun.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/beomlouv/pseuds/beomlouv'>beomlouv</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Remembering You, Yeonjun. [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Amnesia, Angst, Established Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Letters, M/M, there is slight soogyu if you squint hard enough</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:07:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,507</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29396025</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/beomlouv/pseuds/beomlouv</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I love you." The words fall in a hushed whisper from Soobin's lips as he rests his hand on mine.</p><p>I simply smile and say thank you as I held his hand tighter, hoping it'll convey the love I can't remember.</p><p>"Forgive me when I don't say it back, those words still feel foreign in my mouth."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Remembering You, Yeonjun. [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2163954</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 19/08/21 - first letter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello!</p><p>i've long posted this work on my twitter but i finally decided to post it here as well. i hope you enjoyed reading this fic just as much i enjoyed writing it!</p><p>- faye</p><p>written: 20/03/25<br/>finished: 20/03/29</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>19/08/21</p><p> </p><p>Dear Soobin,</p><p> </p><p>Hello! My name is Choi Yeonjun. I'm currently 20 years old and will be turning 21 on the thirteenth of September. I was born in Seongnam City. My hobbies include dancing, skating, and eating (I love mint chocolate haha). I also have a fixation on Doraemon because I think he's cool.</p><p> </p><p>It must be weird for you to be reading this since you already know all of these facts about me, however, I don't.</p><p> </p><p>I woke up in a hospital bed 2 weeks ago not remembering how I got there, nor anything before that. I didn't know where I was, why I couldn't move, and who the people around me were. I also couldn't remember my name when the nurse asked me for it. I was so scared.</p><p> </p><p>I was alone for many hours. I don't know how long, but I cried myself back to sleep. When I woke up, I saw the doctor in front of me. He was talking to you and a woman. The doctor said that she is my mum. I don't remember her name, but I remember that she was crying. She held my hand and told me, “It will be alright.” I was so tired, I felt bad for falling back asleep.</p><p> </p><p>When I woke up, she was gone but you were still there. I remember that your eyes were red and swollen. I think you were crying that time. The first words you said to me were “I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>You cried when I didn't say it back. I'm sorry.</p><p> </p><p>I couldn't remember you. I didn't feel the pain you felt when I asked you who you were. You didn't say you were hurt; you held my hands and smiled. You simply told me your name and introduced yourself as my boyfriend. Even though you didn't say it, I knew that you were hurt. You tried to smile but I saw the pain in your eyes.</p><p> </p><p>I heard the doctor talking to you. He said that the car crash was very bad. That's the reason why I couldn't remember anything. I fell asleep again shortly after that. I kept falling asleep in those 2 weeks. I felt so weak, tired, and scared. I slept to escape my fear.</p><p> </p><p>My therapist told me that writing a letter to you might help me remember everything. She said that you would also help me remember my life before the accident. I hope I can remember as much as I can quickly. Even if I don't remember you, I don't like seeing you cry because of me. It's painful and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I love you, but I can't remember how I used to feel about you.</p><p> </p><p>I hope you stay by my side. I will try my best to remember everything about you and I. One day, I'll remember how to love you again.</p><p> </p><p>Remembering you,</p><p>Yeonjun</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 19/09/26 - second letter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>19/09/26</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dear Soobin,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hello again! It's been a while since my last letter. I've slowly started getting used to seeing you. You're becoming more familiar to me each day, but I still don't remember you or anything about us completely.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thank you for being patient with me. I don't know what it's like to see someone you love not know who you are, but I'm sure it's hard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We're still in the hospital because my body is still weak. I can only move some parts of my upper body. But don't worry! I will try my best to be stronger because I know it will make you happy. My family came to visit us in the past few weeks. So did your family! I felt bad when I couldn't remember their names, I tried my best though!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Last week, my Dad bought me a Polaroid camera for my birthday. He told me that I can take pictures of the people and places I love and collect them so I can look back at them later. Mum said this might help me remember things faster. There weren't many things to photograph in my hospital room, so I just took pictures of you! You didn't mind that though. You smiled for every picture I took of you and helped me stick your pictures on the wall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yesterday, you brought a big scrapbook. It was filled with pictures of us and some of our friends and family. They looked like the ones that we taped to the wall!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You asked me if I remember what the scrapbook was for. I'm sorry I couldn't remember. I really tried my best! You didn't get mad though. I'm thankful for that. You smiled at me and held my hand.  You told me what the book was for.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before my accident, we used to take pictures of ourselves in special moments we experienced together. There were pictures of us on our first date, our first anniversary, and all our milestones.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You told me, we collected these pictures so that we can remember all these precious moments forever. I'm sorry I ruined that for us. Even with the help of pictures, I still couldn't remember anything. You said not to worry. You told me that you have faith in me, that one day I will remember everything again. Until then, you'll stay by my side and continue loving me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I don't deserve you, Soobin, but I will do my best not to let you down. Please continue to stay by my side. I will remember how to love you just as much as you love me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remembering you,</p>
<p>Yeonjun</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 19/10/15 - third letter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>19/10/15</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dear Soobin,</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hello there! I'm writing a letter again. Writing letters to you has helped me regain some strength in my arms and hands. I can move them more now compared to last month. Although, I don't think the same can be said about my memory… I can remember small events, like things that happened 2 or 3 weeks ago, but nothing from before the accident.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The doctor came to visit us a week ago. He checked on my vitals and health status. He said that they were slightly better than when I first arrived, but that I still have a long way to go. You smiled encouragingly at me though. You told the doctor that you had faith in me because I was a fighter.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After changing my IV fluids, the doctor asked to talk to you outside. I didn't get to hear your conversation but you were out for a while. I fell asleep while waiting for you to come back. When I woke up, I heard you coming in the room with tears in your eyes. I don't know what made you sad.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I asked you what was wrong but you just shrugged it off. I didn't bother asking again because I didn't want to see you cry. We spent the rest of the afternoon looking through our scrapbook.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You told me about the memory behind each picture. We've read this scrapbook everyday ever since you brought it last month, and without fail, you've told me about each moment and memory over and over again. It must have been very nostalgic and sentimental for you, but everything felt very new to me. It was like reading a new book and following through the life of a character. Except the stories were about us!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Looking through the scrapbook is my favorite part of our day. It helped pass time and boredom being stuck in the hospital room. It was also fun looking through each special moment we had together.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Three days ago, you came to my hospital room with a small radio. I wondered what it was for because I couldn't remember seeing us using a radio in the pictures from the scrapbook. You told me that we used to listen to our favorite songs on the radio. That seems a lot of fun!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You also told me that we would recommend each other's music to listen to and we would put the songs we chose for each other in a small cassette tape, then play it during our dates.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I asked you what our dates used to be like. I don't think I'll forget the way your face lit up when I asked you that question. Your eyes turned into crescents and your dimples showed up. You smile so beautifully, Soobin. I hope you know that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You told me that we often rode our bikes to the bay on weekends to feed the seagulls until the sun would set. By then, we would sit on the benches and quietly listen to the music we prepared, surrounded by the sound of the waves.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You told me that we didn't talk much on those dates. We simply sat close to each other and silently enjoyed the company. The silence was comfortable between us. I hope I can get well soon so that we can go on those dates again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe, if I can relive our dates, I'll be able to remember something.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Remembering you,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yeonjun</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. 19/11/16 - fourth letter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>19/11/16</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dear Soobin,</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Good morning! It's currently 8am as I'm writing this. I'm up early today because I spent most of yesterday and the day before sleeping. My head felt really tired then. But I feel better now! I'm writing this as you're sleeping. The couch looks uncomfortable to sleep on though. I would let you sleep beside me but I still can't move myself enough to give you space. Also, there are tubes all over me. They prevent me from being closer to you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>While waiting for you to wake up, I went over the scrapbook again. I keep it on the pillow next to my head. I figured, If I keep this book of our memories beside my head, I'll be able to remember them faster. It's silly, but I'm willing to try everything to remember you properly!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I'll always be thankful for you telling me about the pictures in the scrapbook over and over again. I can retain information about certain pictures now! Isn't that great? I don't remember exactly what happened like you do, but at least I know things that happened.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Of all the pictures, my favorite is a picture of you asleep beside me. You looked so peaceful and happy despite being asleep. I wonder how I must've felt beside you…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Do you think I fell asleep facing you? I must've liked looking at you when you were asleep because I took a picture of you. I wonder what else we did together.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A few days ago, you sang me to sleep. I felt like a kid, then. But I also felt safe. I wonder how many times you've sang me to sleep before the accident. Did I love your voice then just as much as I do now? I feel bad for forgetting.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I hate not remembering anything. Whenever I wake up, the first thing you say to me is “I love you”.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I want to say it back, but forgive me when I don't, because those words still feel foreign in my mouth. So instead, I smile and say thank you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I hope you don't get tired waiting for me. I promise to do my best to remember you again. One day, I'll return your love. Until then, please continue staying by my side. I'm very grateful to have you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Remembering you,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yeonjun</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. 12/24/19 - fifth letter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>12/24/19</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dear Soobin,</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Merry christmas! Well, It's not quite christmas yet, but it is christmas eve. You're currently buying dinner as I'm writing this letter.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before you left to buy food, you told me that you'd love to read all the letters I wrote. I said that I'll let you read them once I’m recovered and out of the hospital. I made it that way so that we both have something to look forward to.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It isn't fun being stuck in one place for a long period of time, so I figured it would be nice to have something we can both look forward to. I can't wait to see your reaction when you read all my letters for you. You'll be able to see how hard I worked to remember everything about us.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>We celebrated your birthday here a few weeks ago. My mum bought you a cake and gifted you a knitted sweater. Your family also came to visit. It was such a happy day! Two of our friends also came by to wish you a happy birthday and bring you presents. They also said hello to me. I felt sad not remembering who they were. They introduced themselves as Taehyun and Huening Kai. They said that they missed me. I just smiled softly at them in return.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's a strange feeling— being missed but not missing them in return. I don't dislike them, it's just, how can you long for something or someone you've forgotten? It's very curious.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Halfway through your birthday, I felt exhausted and fell asleep again. I must've been asleep for a long time because when I woke up, it was already night time. I apologized to you for being asleep for most of your birthday, but you told me that it's ok and that you weren't mad at me for falling asleep. It wasn't something that I could control.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I said sorry again when I realized that I couldn't give you a gift for your birthday. You still didn't get mad at me. Instead, you just smiled and held my hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You told me that being here with me and seeing me everyday was enough of a gift. Seeing me alive was already a gift. You also said that my recovery would be the best gift for you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I'll try my best to recover faster, Soobin. I will try to do my best to get well soon so that we can make new memories with each other.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Oh! You're already back from buying dinner. I should stop writing now. Merry christmas, Soobin!!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Remembering you,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yeonjun</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. 20/01/12 - sixth letter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>20/01/12</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dear Soobin,</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Happy New Year, dear! I hope 2020 will be a better year for us.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We celebrated the new years in the hospital a few days ago. It was ok. During New Years eve, you asked my doctor if it was possible to bring me to the rooftop to see the fireworks. Fortunately enough, the doctor agreed! I was so happy to leave the hospital room after being stuck there for a long time!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I missed being outdoors so much. Recently, I've been spending my time sleeping more than I've been spending them awake. My body gets tired easily despite being in bed the whole time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You talked to the doctor about it when he came to check up on me. I didn't get to hear what he said because I fell asleep again. When I woke up and asked you about it, you told me that I kept falling asleep because I have nothing else to do. You seemed hesitant about your answer so I just brushed it off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There weren't many people when we went to watch the fireworks on the rooftop. You pushed me around in my wheelchair so that we could look around the view while waiting for the countdown.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I had a good look at the scenery around us. I've spent my whole life passing by all these skyscrapers, but I barely even spare them a glance. Looking at them now, I think I appreciate them more than I used to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At ten seconds before midnight, we stopped by the middle of the rooftop. Instead of counting down to 1, you told me to make a wish. You said that when the clock strikes 12, my wish would be sent to the sky with the fireworks and it would come true. I laughed because it felt childish, but I did it anyway because I knew it would make you happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I closed my eyes and wished for something simple. When I opened my eyes, I saw that you still had yours closed. You were silent but I knew your mind was loud with the wish that you were making. I didn't ask what it was, but it must've been something you really wanted because tears slowly rolled down your eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When you finally opened your eyes, you looked at me and smiled. You asked me what I wished for. When I told you that I wished to remember everything about us to make you happy again, you said that being here with me is enough to make you happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was silent for a moment before the sky lit up with fireworks. The first 2 fireworks shot up into the sky with a whistle before bursting into a golden light. I thought to myself, maybe those were the fireworks that brought our wishes to the sky. We stared at the fireworks that followed behind. There were too many to count! They were all so beautiful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At one point, you looked back at me and said I love you again. I smiled and held onto your hand tighter. You then told me, “I hope you never leave”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My wish might not come true. I might not be able to recover my memories ever again; but if there’s one thing that you should know, it's that I will never leave your side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soobin, I will stay by your side for as long as I can, just as you have stayed by mine. I promise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Remembering you,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. 20/02/14 - seventh letter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>20/02/14</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dear Soobin,</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Happy Valentine's Day, Binnie!! Is it ok if I call you that? I think it sounds cute so I'll call you that for the whole day today.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Today's also an extra special day because I can finally leave the hospital! I haven't recovered completely yet, but I will be relocating back at home. Isn't that great? When I woke up today, You told me that you had a long talk with my mum and that you both agreed that relocating home would be good for me.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hospital staff will be moving my medical items and the IV fluids to my room at home. I'm not sure how the hospital bed will fit in my bedroom along with the other medical monitors, but I guess we can worry about that later. I'm so excited!!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To celebrate Valentine's Day, we're headed for a quick stop at the bay where we used to have all our dates before the accident. I'm curious to see if the bay has changed compared to how they look like in the pictures we took before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I hope the seagulls show up. It would be nice to recreate the picture of you feeding the seagulls. It'll be like reliving a memory for you and making a new one for me! I'll make sure to take a picture of you later.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I hope I won't feel too tired later, I really want to be able to outside and look around. I'm getting more tired easily these days. I feel like sleeping just as I'm writing this! It's weird because I just woke up from a nap an hour ago. Although I think that's just because I have nothing else to do. Maybe I won't feel sleepy later because I'll be able to go outside!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I'm holding onto the scrapbook you brought and the polaroid camera dad gave me. I'm looking forward to taking new pictures of us together so that we can put them in the scrapbook to keep our new memories safe. I'm really, really, really excited!! I wonder if you're just as excited as I am…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Right now, you're taking down the polaroid pictures that we took in the hospital. There's a bittersweet feeling of seeing you take down and carefully pack them into an envelope. It's like saying goodbye in some way. I'm going to keep all the polaroids we took in the hospital and put them next to the ones in the scrapbook.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can't wait to make new memories with you. I'll make sure not to forget these new memories. I'll make sure to keep them safe in my mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, I'm feeling really tired now. It's getting hard to keep my eyes open so I'll just finish my writing for today. Hopefully, I'll be well rested enough for our date later.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Until then, I hope you continue to stay by my side as I make new memories each day. I want you to be in each one of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Remembering you,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. 20/03/01 - eighth letter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>20/03/01</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dear Soobin,</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How are you? It must be strange for me to be asking you this considering my current state, but still I worry for you to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You seem to be smiling less these days. You're always by my side now. Not like you weren't by my side these past few months, but you seem to stick closer to me more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You always sit so close beside me and wrap me in an embrace whenever you can. Whenever you're beside me, you hold onto my hand. Even as I sleep, you hold my hand. You also never seem to leave me for more than an hour alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Last night, we spent the evening on the balcony. You brought out our small radio and played a short song. It sounded so lovely. I don't completely remember how it sounded, but it was a very soothing song.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When I told you that I liked the song, you smiled and told me that it used to be my favorite. I could see why I liked that song. It seems like the type of song I'd dance to. It makes me wonder, did I ever dance to this song with you? Was I that type of person?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Three days ago, another one of our friends came to visit us. He introduced himself as Beomgyu. You gave him a warm hug when he apologized for not visiting us sooner. While he was here, he talked to me a lot and asked me how I was these days. It was nice talking to him, but it also felt weird. I was talking to someone who knew me for a long time, but it felt like I only met Beomgyu for the first time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He told me that he followed my advice to pursue his passion in music. He hopes to write a song for me soon. I told Beomgyu that I'd only listen to his song if you were the one to sing it. We all laughed at that and I looked over at you. I smiled that time because it was the first time I saw you smiling in a while. Your cheeks were slightly reddened and your dimples popped out. What I liked the most was how your eyes would become brighter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I love seeing you smile, Soobin. So does Beomgyu. I see the way he looks at you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can see that he genuinely likes and cares for you. His smile brightens ever so slightly when you smile, and his gaze becomes softer when talking to you. He listens carefully to every word you say, even when you mumble them. He also tries to be closer to you when talking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Was I like that too? Did I use to look at you the way he looks at you now? I'm sorry I can't see you the same way I used to. I hope he takes care of you just as you have taken care of me.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As these days pass by, I feel myself getting more and more tired. I sleep for longer now. I thought I'd get over this once we left the hospital. There's a part of me that knows something's gonna happen, but I won't dwell on that. I'll focus on you instead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I'm sorry for being unable to spend more time with you, Soobin. I’ll try my best to spend more time with you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I promised to stay by your side for as long as I can. I won't back down from my promise. I hope you continue to stay by my side too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Remembering you,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeonjun</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. 20/04/25 - the last letter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>20/04/25</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dear Yeonjun,</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hello, love! I hope you're doing good up there. I miss you a lot.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I passed by the bay to feed the seagulls a while ago but there were too many and they kept flocking me! I need you to come down from heaven to scare them away for me! I made sure to take a lot of pictures to add in our scrapbook. Also, please stop doing a staring contest with Hobak. I know that it's you who’s leaving dead birds on the balcony, not him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jokes aside, things feel so different without you here, you know? It's like a whole new chapter of life that I'm not ready to face alone. I guess I've just been so used to being beside you that waking up without you near me still feels weird.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I read all of your letters yesterday. I don't think I've ever cried so much from reading something. Seeing you try so hard to remember me, filled me with so much emotions. If words could turn into memories, I'd write them all down for you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I also noticed that you wrote a letter for every small milestone you went through after the accident, but you never wrote a goodbye letter. You were never good with goodbyes. Instead, you gave me something much more beautiful. After months of hoping you'd remember, you finally said “I love you” back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I'll always be thankful that you were able to remember me before you left. I will forever treasure those last few hours I spent with you. It was nice talking to you the same way we used to.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before you left, you thanked me for being patient and staying by your side. Although, I think that I should be the one to thank you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Thank you for holding on until your last breath to stay with me. You could've easily left without a goodbye, but you stayed by my side until I was ready to let go. You stayed strong for me. Now it's my turn to stay strong for you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I think it's amusing that I'm the one who's writing a goodbye letter, even if you're the one who left. The only difference is, you won't be able to read mine. I guess this is my way of letting go.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I know that I'll have our friends and family to cheer me on, but I doubt it'll be the same without you. I know that I'll learn how to let go eventually; but until then, I'll be here with our memories.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The boys and I will be setting off some fireworks later in the evening in memory of you because we know how much you love them. I hope that it'll bring my words to you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I love you so much and I'm glad you do too.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>By your side,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soobin</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
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